Dangers of the Uncontrollable Delicacy
by Daroga's Rainy Daae
Summary: A short story behind the least dug into mind of Raoul during the last encounter of The Phantom of the opera. Set to the musical's scene.. pretty sad, a little ironic in a way and in my opinion, one of my best yet.


What did I have to fear? Any way one might look at my case, they could tell me that I was right. Then how could I feel so wrong and small in the man's presence? How could I feel such pity for a man who had been my enemy for so long, and who didn't have enough human pity in himself to regret all the times he took someone's life away? How can I just stand here like an idiot pitying him while he was having fun at my expense?  
  
He was so mad with love that he couldn't even hear the girl who had gotten us both into this mess.. But I cannot blame him, I am also mad with love. If I weren't, I would have realized that it was all the girl's fault, and if I weren't, I wouldn't fear the man.  
  
I would never admit it to anyone, I'd take it to the grave (though my death didn't seem far away now), that I was terrified of the horrible man, of the horrible man I hated and pitied. Of what he could do, of what he could take from me. This may not make much sense, but I was horrified that this man would take the girl I was obsessed over, and that would be the death of me, and I was willing to bet if she refused to be his, it would be the death of him too.  
  
The perfect lady; Christine Daae. If I felt any less love for her than I did, I would have blamed all of this trouble on her. But since I can't feel anything less, I blame myself, I blame the monster, I blame anyone and everything but her. I wonder what the demon is feeling right now? Is he as filled with suspense as I am, waiting for the girl's heart-shattering decision? It isn't fair; at least he may have a chance of living well again, but me... if Christine chose to stay by my side, we'd all be killed. If she chose to live forever on with the phantom for my sake, I would surely not live much longer. Oh, fate, how will I die?  
  
"Pitiful creature of darkness.. what kind of life have you known? God give me courage to show you, you're not alone..." she said, and she kissed him.  
  
How else can I explain it? She said those words and kissed him, and she kisses him now, and I know her decision - she has "saved" my life; her own didn't mean as much to her as mine did...  
  
What Have I Done?  
  
Why did I have to get close to her? Why did I have to love her so much? Why, if she loved me, why did she have to do this!? For love, Christine, make some sense and don't do it.. you still have time, why do you choose to let us suffer? Oh, God, Christine, can't you see that to die quickly is the only way you cannot truly kill our love, Christine, if you break my heart I will be tortured and dead, tell me you don't want this, tell me you have some sense or even just a little bit of pity for me, Christine...  
  
I was dead, I swear it, I was dead already and I could not cry, I could not help my pain, and I could not feel the numbing that crept over my body; in those thirty seconds in which she kissed him, every drawing second more I became more insane and almost shouted out to make it stop, but what... what was this? The monster was weeping, muttering to his Christine, taking a candle from atop his organ, making his way towards me.. was this the end?  
  
In the moment that he used the flame of the candle to burn the noose that hung round my neck, I could care less that my legs refused to work as I collapsed to a heap on the ground, making no real attempt to regain myself, when two small hands grasped my shoulders and made me look into the owner's eyes. What was going on?  
  
"Christine," I whispered hoarsely, but I did not have the strength to say any more as she helped me to stand, and I embraced her.  
  
We clasped to each other like the scared children we were, and only then did I cry and as I did I could do nothing but think to myself:  
  
I never want to let go.  
  
The monster was telling us to leave him, frantically, before the rest of the people got here.. and his voice was set to such love for Christine and such sadness at the same time that a new wave of pity overcame me for this poor man. He was setting us free - setting us free because he loved Christine and he would rather suffer himself so as not to see her suffer.  
  
But however hard I tried, I could not get anything to work, and Christine had to shove me towards the boat in which she had been brought across the lake by. What kind of odd leave was this? How had any of it happened?  
  
"He's letting us go, Raoul," Christine whispered to me. "Everything will be all right, but I must go back..." Before I could stop her, she was to the phantom's side, handing him something, I don't know what. But she was back again, an eternity it seemed, later.  
  
We drifted away in the little boat, and I caught one last glance at the man who was mad with love, and saw him sink into that throne of his, defeated, and only then did I realize that no matter how loving, innocent, pretty and everything else Christine could be... I couldn't help but think that what she was more than all of those combined was... powerful... and deadly.  
  
FINIS 


End file.
